Someone once told me that fantasies were a natural part of the human mind. No matter how straight forward the person is fantasies are what drive their actions and horrors ahead. Fantasies push morals. When I do something idiotic or foolish, I imagine beating on another person. Most of the time that other person is a form of myself. I can be a woman or a man. I can be blonde or brunette. It is always a silent agreement. And I still, despite my knowledge, beat on this person.

When I get angry, my fantasies, my natural mind ties this person to a chair and strikes them until their gums have gone bloody. Every punch is another puckering sound of blood sucking between soft and pink vacant gums, teeth having shattered with every blow. Each graze to the mouth brings more red and irritated lips.

The same person told me that those fantasies eventually come out as violent and as horrific as they may be. Eventually, the person you are silently beating on in your head looses too many fluids to stay alive and when they disappear your last resort is real life. Some people are smart enough to keep these out of life and others are just not talented enough to do so.

I ran out of people in my head. That puckering and sucking was the noise of my imaginary me drowning in a sea of stupidity and rage. The sickening sound of blood escaping the body has a way of becoming real when it’s only in your head. You can imagine how awful that noise became when I was stupid enough to allow myself to get deployed back to The City.